


Starry Night

by Elsey



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Hell, Impala, M/M, how did this get so many hits???, that weird part where they talk about their feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-07
Updated: 2014-04-07
Packaged: 2018-01-18 11:16:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1426504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elsey/pseuds/Elsey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam tries pushing Dean to discuss his emotions, and ends up with more than he bargained for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Starry Night

Dean sat on the hood of the Impala, beer in hand, back resting against the cool glass of the windshield. Sam was hopping up beside him, a new beer from the cooler in his hand.

“Careful, sasquatch, don’t dent the metal,” Dean said jokingly, taking a swig from his beer. He could practically feel Sam rolling his eyes. The two looked at the stars contentedly, the silence speaking wonders for them.

“So angels are real,” Sam muttered.

“Yep,” Dean said, eyeing his brother with annoyance. Couldn’t they just sit and relax for two minutes without bringing up the family business?

“That sure changes… well, everything,” Sam said with a sigh. Dean looked and saw him chug his beer in the moonlight. Dean’s eyebrows knit together. Something was eating him, and Dean wanted to find out. He didn’t need the kid going back to Ruby.

“Something wrong, Sam? Lay it on me. I don’t have anything better to do,” Dean said, moving his beer between his hands. His mind kept flashing back to the barn when Castiel first walked in, Sam first meeting him, the witch, everything. He wondered if Sam saw Castiel the same way he did.

“No, it’s just that… it feels like everything is different, you know? There are so many more things we’re clueless about. And you, uh, seem to be acting a little off as well,” Sam said. Dean glared at him.

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” he asked, turning to his brother. Sam dropped his empty beer bottle on the ground, hand now on the back of his neck. He wouldn’t look at Dean, and Dean continued to stare at his brother, eyes searching the taller man’s face.

“You’re just different. Hell, actually, yeah, hell, it changed you.”

“Of course it changed me- it fuckin’ sucked,” Dean said, moving back against the hood. At least all Sam was worried about was what hell had done to him.

“I know, Dean, and I can’t imagine, but… Something else feels different. Since Castiel came along, you just feel… like a different Dean.”

“It’s not Cas that’s the problem, it’s the fact that I spent thirty years chained to a torture table. Trust me, Sam,” Dean said, mouth getting slightly drier. He hadn’t even thought about Castiel to himself, and he began to panic slightly that Sam seemed to be picking up on the vibe he was unwillingly giving out whenever around the angel. Sam looked at Dean, eyes wandering around his form, noticing how he had tensed at the mention of the angel.

“Why don’t I believe that?” Sam asked. Dean shrugged.

“Believe what you want, but it’s the truth.” Sam studied him once more.

“I think something else is going on that you’re not telling me. What happened when Castiel pulled you out, Dean?”

“I don’t remember, Sam.”

“Stop lying to me.”

“Sam.” Dean’s eyes were full of pain. “I don’t want to remember. Don’t make me remember. Please.” Dean looked away and Sam studied him worriedly.

“How can I help you, Dean?”

“By not being such a dick and shutting up about this.” Sam rolled off the hood, getting two more beers from the back. Dean closed his eyes, trying to forget, trying to be feel nothing, to be nothing. He opened his eyes when Sam sat back down, handing him a beer as he chugged the last of his current one. Crickets chirping surrounded them.

“Just saying, Dean, I’ve seen Uriel look at you and I’ve seen Castiel look at you; it’s one of the biggest contrasts I’ve seen,” Sam said quietly, looking at his beer as he thumbed the top of it. Dean’s head snapped towards him.

“What the fuck do you mean?” he asked, realizing he reacted too quickly and adding “Do you think they’re plotting our deaths or something?” Sam shook his head slowly.

“No, no, just that… Uriel looks at you like you’re a job, but Castiel looks at you like you’re… like you’re the first person he ever saw. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but he always stands pretty damn close to you,” Sam said, bringing the beer bottle to his lips and throwing his head back. Dean thought about what he had said, but only for a moment before he pushed all the ideas that were screaming at him out of his head.

“Well Cas is different from Uriel.”

“Obviously. But Dean, how can you not tell that something’s going on with him? Apparently you two have some kind of profound bond, yet I don’t see how that’s just a platonic bond.” Dean stood, fuming.

“What the fuck are suggesting, Sam?” he asked, eyes blazing.

“Whoa, dude, calm down! I’m not suggesting anything about you, just about Castiel! I think he may have an interest in you, that’s all,” Sam explained, raising his hands. Dean took a deep breath, trying to remain calm before sitting down against the front tire of the Impala. Sam slid off the hood, joining him on the slightly wet ground. “Hey man, you okay?” Dean looked at Sam with dead eyes.

“I don’t know anymore, Sammy,” he whispered, staring up at the night sky. “I just don’t know.”

“Dean, I’ll never judge you for what you did in hell or for how you feel right now. Never. If you ever want to say anything, I’ll always be here,” Sam said.

“Turning into a couple of girls,” Dean muttered. Sam laughed darkly.

“Just a little.”

“Sam, the things I did, the people I hurt… I can’t talk about it. I can’t think about it, because if I do, I might just want to do it again. The person I was in hell… that person is still in me, trying to get out. And so far, the only way I’m containing him is by pushing him back, locking him away.”

“I wish I could help,” Sam said softly.

“Me too.”

“What about Castiel, Dean? Don’t get angry with me, I’m just calling it as I see it. I’ve seen you staring at him. What’s up with you two?”

“Honestly?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t fucking know, Sam. I don’t fucking know.” Dean ran a hand through his hair, eyes going anywhere but Sam’s.

“Sam, I’m not gay. You know I’m not.”

“Dean, what are you saying?”

“I don’t fucking know. Since hell, I’ve been locking everything that felt even a little wrong away, and this feels a lot more than a little wrong. Sam, I can’t fucking look at him without feeling like I would for a woman. Fuck. Why the fuck am I telling you this? Jesus Christ, I can feel dad clawing his way from the pit to bitch slap the shit out of me.” Sam sat in stunned silence at Dean’s sudden confession.

“Okay. We can deal with this. There’s nothing wrong with how you feel about Castiel, Dean.”

“Everything is wrong with it, Sam! Everything! This isn’t natural, I’m not fucking gay!” Dean yelled, covering his face with his hands. Sam thought for a minute.

“Alright, let me ask you this. You meet a hunter who’s smoking hot, carries a sawed off shot gun everywhere, tolerates your obsession with busty Asian beauties, eats pie like there’s no tomorrow, and loves you like mad.”

“What’s your point?”

“Wouldn’t that be the perfect person for you, Dean?”

“Yeah. I guess they would be. But what’s your point?”

“What if the hunter I just described was a guy?”

“I’m not fucking gay!”

“That’s not the point! The point is that you shouldn’t not want to be with someone just because they have a dick! If they love you and you love them, what’s the fucking point?” Sam asked. Dean was quietly fuming, trying to wrap his head around the idea.

“Sammy, this makes no fucking sense. None of it. Just- just forget I ever said anything, okay?” Dean asked.

“Dean, if you would just-”

“Sam! Forget I said anything!” Dean yelled. Sam was quiet. The sound of crickets was everywhere, and Dean was slowly forcing his thoughts away.

………..

“Do you see, Castiel? Why mentioning even a word of this to the human would result in catastrophe? This man is emotionally and mentally unstable. He does not need you to intervene in his life and flip it upside down. You see how he dealt with his brother, how do how do you think he would react to you suggesting some form of relationship? We are an abstinent race, Castiel, and do not need to mix our species with the humans a second time. Do you understand?” Uriel asked Castiel, studying his stony composure.

“You mustn’t worry about me, Uriel, I have demolished all possible romantic thoughts from my mind. If you’ll excuse me, I have somewhere I need to be,” Castiel said, disappearing from his brother’s side. He was now behind the Impala, out of sight from the two men sitting on the other side. Castiel sighed lightly, sinking to the ground beside the car. “Hello Dean,” he mumbled as he heard a pistol being cocked.

“Cas? What the fuck are you doing here? How long have you been sitting there?” Dean demanded, eyes nervous. Castiel kept his own closed.

“Long enough,” was all he said, a faint smile threatening his lips. Cas laughed silently to himself when he heard Dean’s heartbeat quicken. He opened his eyes, meeting the gaze of the hunter. “You will not remember this, Dean.” Cas quickly moved his hand to Dean’s forehead, causing him to collapse.

“Dean!” Sam yelled, running around the side of the Chevy. He shook his brother, watching Cas carefully. “What did you do?”

“Sam, I am not going to erase your memory at this time. I trust that you will not bring up the subject of Dean and I as more than platonic ever again. It is not natural for an angel to be with a human, and it is not tolerated by Heaven. Your brother will awaken and not remember any of this. Take him to a motel and tell him that he was knocked unconscious by whatever you were hunting. I must go.” Sam stared at the empty spot where Cas had been, the sound of rushing air ringing in his ears. He stared at Dean, then the open space. A slight smile threatened his mouth.

“I fucking knew it,” Sam said, trying to move Dean into a sitting position. "I fucking knew it."


End file.
